"Are you feeling ok today?".... "Bite me."

oh.
ok.
it's gonna be one of THOSE kind of mornings.

I don't know what happened to the weekend, but i found myself exhausted and finally home from rehearsal at 10:45 last night.
World lit test: Monday 8:30 AM...
Amount of time studying: 0 hrs and 0 minutes.
Amount of time preparing for class thus far in the semester: 0 hrs and 0 minutes.
Rating of effort put in compared to the other classes: LAST. 6th out of 6.

This put me in quite the predicament.

Finally at 11:30, I start to study. I realize quickly that this is going to take me a very long time. So i drink a Dr. Pepper, eat a monster cookie and prepare for an extremely late night. But I've never been very good at late nights. My friends have always pegged me as the one to fall asleep first. (I can't start a movie after 9). So as my night of study begins, plenty of interferences stopped me from full focus: roommates, facebook, lack of any motivation whatsoever. Slowly but surely, I continued to learn about very old, uninteresting pieces of Asian Literature. Somewhere along the way, one of my roommates went to bed and I was sure it would be at least 4 before I would be so lucky. But then, probably somewhere around 1:30, I made a serious mistake. I lay my head down next to my computer. Just for a minute... I won't sleep for long... I just need a quick nap! Roommate 2 woke me up and I decided I either needed to go to bed or take a shower to wake myself up. So i went into my bedroom without a plan: another mistake on my part. This is where it gets kind of crazy. I still had my shoes on from rehearsal. So rather than taking them off and crawling into my bed for a few hours, I kept my feet on the floor and my body in my bed. Jeans, t-shirt, shoes. Lights on. I slept for probably 3 and a half hours. Then I woke up and realized that I was no where near ready for this test. So i took a shower and got dressed for the day. It was about 5:30. 3 hours until test time. So I put back on a different pair of jeans and a new t shirt and sweatshirt and somehow against my will I fell back asleep in my bed! Finally I woke up to the sound of my roommate getting ready at 7:00. I had 45 minutes to study. I needed more like 3 hours. I crammed like i have never crammed before, just pouring information into my brain for 45 minutes... and now here I sit. I took the test... we'll see about that later. But for now, my eyes are burning I'm living life in my hooded sweatshirt- hood on of course- and huge bags under my eyes.

I wonder if these shenanigans will stop after college.

From Whispers to Roars

I'm sitting on a porch.

I'm listening to the quiet wind.

I'm feeling a breeze.

I'm comfortable.

I'm breathing in.

I'm breathing out.

I'm calm.

so is the world around me.

but then...

Literally thousands of motorcycles start screaming at once.

They yell so loud that I can't hear the quietness anymore.

They are stealing Fayetteville for the weekend.

They are setting up stands with turkey legs and barbeque sandwiches.

The leather vested, huge bearded, beer drinking, thunderous bikers of America have invaded Fayetteville, Arkansas.

And for some reason... I love everything about it.

"B-L-O-G! Bring that Pine Cove Blog to me!"

This summer was transforming to say the least. I would assoociate the following words with my experience at Pine Cove.

Humiliity
Redemption.
Release.
Fresh.
Limitless.
Abandonment.
Desire.
Passion.
Fun.
Devastating.
Overwhelming.

We laugh because at Pine Cove, your response to how are you is, "I'm good. It's hard... but so good." And it feels fake and vague and lame to respond that way. But in some ways that's what journeying with the Lord looks like. It looks hopeless... but so full of hope. It looks scary... but also full of peace. So yes. This summer I walked through my months and weeks and days and breakfasts, lunches, FOBs and dinners with the God of the Universe beside me. He asked for my attention to be fully His. Sometimes i surrendered allowing him to lead me. Sometimes I held on tightly to a desire to serve myself or put my significance above His... that's when i failed and he still drew me nearer to Himself.


Praise God! Praise Him for literally pulling me out of the pit of destruction! Praise Him for calling me to a greater purpose than my own success!

And still, today... in Northwest Arkansas... After a summer of seeking God's will and passionately pursuing my Savior... still today, August 22, I am in desperate need of His saving Grace. Just as in need as ever before. I will never be able to do enough or be enough to lessen my need of Jesus! Trying to live out this day without the Holy Spirit guiding me and moving in and through me is the most ridiculous choice I could make. I just can't believe how easy it is to choose that.


All in all, the Lord did work. Very real transformations took place: in the staff, in the campers, in their families even. He moved this summer. and I can't wait to see Him move today.

Caps and Gowns and Upside-down Frowns

And there comes a time in a youngest sisters life where things get jumbled.

she doesn't know the whos or whats of daily life. but time still passes.

she wakes up wondering where the day will go and it's never as she expects.


Today my oldest sister received her masters in Biblical Studies from Dallas Theological Seminary. My next oldest sister was there to support her and cheer her on while I did the same for my NEXT oldest sister as she received her Bachelor of Arts in Communication with an emphasis on Public Relations. Two of my best friends walked the stage, shook hands, smiled and did not fall. Two girls with the strange last name of l-o-r-e-n-c received diplomas and degrees on May 8, 2010.



I couldn't be more proud to be in this family.



... and the nights pass and the mornings come to begin again.

cannot form words...

It is currently 8:26.

I have been up for almost 2 hours.

I have this paper due at 3:30.

I fell asleep with my laptop in my bed last night.

I'm tired.

My last day of school is tomorrow.

I have 4 finals.

I'll be home a week from today.

I think I'm about to fall asleep on my laptop again.





That pretty accurately describes my life right now.

Father Daughter Day

I love my dad.

My dad has 4 girls who adore him. My mom makes 5. 5 women who treasure his words and can get enough of him.
Have you ever been proud of a parent? Over spring break i went to work with my Dad. I met his colleagues. I saw his office. I shook some hands. I was proud to be his little girl.

What if I approached the throne of God that way? What i if I expected my Heavenly Father to show me around and see all He has accomplished and is still accomplishing? What if I watched as He reveals to me all that He did and is doing so that I can really live. Just like my dad at home. He works and provides. So does our Lord... and in big ways too.

I'd like it to be evident in my words and actions that I'm proud to be His little girl.

I am.
He is.
I AM.

I am not.
He still is.
I AM.

I wake. I eat. I run. I read. I listen. I walk. I drive. I talk. I stop. I smile. I remember. I cry. I wait.
He is.
I AM.

I do.
But He is.
I AM.

I love that He is. I love when I do not. I love when I am. And He always is.

This is when the fight begins. When we come to a realization that we CANNOT. Then, He can fully be. But what if it's not a fight. What if we see that we don't stand a chance. what if what's mine becomes His and my penny is put into a much larger bank account? Then what?

I am because He is I AM.